November 4, 2023 - Aditi Bhattacharjee’s “Finding 52 in pursuit of a dream”
I knew I would remember this for the rest of my life.
It was not so much the six screaming kids, all under six in my zone on the flight I was taking to New York, nor was it the heavy feeling of leaving my family behind and crossing oceans in pursuit of a dream, the price of which I was just starting to understand fully, nor the innumerable unsolicited opinions and comments that I received from unexpected members of my social circle evoked by my decision to leave a lucrative career, a loving partner, a home and my beloved cat, that left them (re: humans obsessed with habitual comfort, physical safety and financial security) boggled, that made this memorable.
I had spent 16 hours navigating different airports and braving screaming kids and dealing with unexpected bouts of tears while staring at an endless carpet of clouds outside the window and an involuntary brain chatter that threw into doubt assumptions about what lay ahead at me. I pride myself in being emotionally strong and yet something was churning in my stomach. What I was feeling was completely throwing me off. I decided to shake off this looming gloom by watching a movie on the in-flight entertainment system.
I knew I would remember this for the rest of my life because what I finally ended up watching was the story of one whale called 52 in the vast unknown of the oceanic world trying to communicate with the rest of its community but failing to do so.
Just because it was different.
A hybrid, born from a fin whale and a blue whale. Its calls having a frequency of 52 Hz which are missed by other whales because they hear calls of frequencies of only up to 20 Hz. It has been roaming the oceans for more than 3 decades and even though it never hears back, it does not stop calling.
The pursuit of being understood. The search for connection transcends humanity. Cargo ships drown its calls, the underwater noise of commerce disorients it. However, 52 is hopeful just like me.
This story of what the world was dubbing the loneliest whale swimming in a sea of sorrow oddly settled my nerves. By the end of the documentary my mind was empty. No more brain chatter. I could not help thinking about the serendipity of my stumbling on to this film while beginning this solitary journey. Long after my flight landed, I kept thinking about it.
Now, when I walk the streets of Greenwich village alone, watch the skateboarders at Washington Square park alone, get groceries from Trader Joe’s alone, take the subway alone, go to the movies alone, cook dinner for one, sleep on a bed with an empty side, stop talking mid-sentence because the other person is not really there, shop at thrift stores with no one waiting outside my trial room to approve or disapprove, write first drafts that no one will really read (for the first time), I think of 52 and I am comforted by how connected we are in our loneliness.
Aditi Bhattacharjee is an Indian writer, currently pursuing an MFA in Writing from The New School. Her work has appeared in Lunch Ticket, Evocations Review, Vagabond City Lit, The Remnant Archive and elsewhere. In her spare time she likes people-watching and city-chronicling.
